'Maddie-ness' The Art of Being 3.5

Yesterday Maddie wanted to go outside into the back garden to show me the butterfly feeder that she had made at the Minster School.  I had just come home from a long day at the gym and she was very excited to show me her creation.  I had to stop her though, from going outside because:

1. The back garden has not been mowed and has prickers (and dog poo if I'm being honest) everywhere
2. She was not wearing shoes
3. It is August and we have had a wasp invasion
4. She was stung by a wasp 4 days ago
5. Again with the not wearing shoes thing

She asked me why she couldn't go outside and I explained that I didn't want her to go out in her bare feet.

Maddie:  What is bare feet?
Me:  That is when you aren't wearing shoes.
Maddie:  Why?
Me:  That is the word for it.
Maddie:  Why can't we go out in bare feet?
Me:  Because you might step on something.
Maddie:  Like what?
Me:  Well, as wasp for one.
Maddie:  That would sting.
Me:  Yes.
Maddie:  Or...I could step on something slimy?
Me:  Yes.
Maddie:  Or something prickly?
Me:  Yes
Maddie Or something pooey?
Me:  Certainly, yes.
Maddie:  Or a dead body?
Me:  Where do you think we live?
Maddie:  Bardney!
Me:  Yes......why would there be dead bodies in our back garden?
Maddie:  I don't know........do you?
Me:  Not a clue.....but honey there are no dead bodies in our back garden.
Maddie:  But there might be wasps.
Me:  Yes.
Maddie:  So there might be dead bodies....
Me:  Well presented...

Note to readers:  At the last check we have NO dead bodies in the back garden that we are aware of.  There are the dead shells of about 2 dozen wasps that have met their demise with a can of Raid, but no dead bodies other than that.  We will (on Maddie's request) be keeping a close eye on the possibility of dead bodies in the back garden and will keep you informed if any turn up.

Things That Are Off The List

Following a recent conversation with my best girlfriend (who shall remain nameless for now), I have decided to re-instate things that are off the list.  The original LIST was permanently displayed in marker on my other best friend's (yes you can have more than one) wall.  The original list included Mandy Moore and the Caliph (a drag queen bar) for reasons that I am not going to expand on at this moment.  This list was added to from time to time until the day that his girlfriend made him paint over it before they moved.  The new house was not allowed to have permanent marker on the wall (go figure) so the list was restarted in the garage where it presumably still grows today.  Yesterday, my girlfriend jokingly (?) decided to start a list of her own which included me on it (right after the pool vaccuum) - NICE!    In response here is my list (in no particular order of the off-ness that they are.)

1.  Watermelon
2.  Lucy the dog (you know what you did)
3.  Advertisers
4.  Pollen
5.  Talking iphone apps
6.  Washable kids paint
7.  Porridge (Maddie added this one)
8.  Thunder Flys
9.  Playgroup Committee
10.  HSBC

Happy Thursday - Feel free to add your own Off the List and share!

Planning the Perfect Family Holiday

Earlier in the year Matt and I were talking about vacations and holidays:

1. The only place we go on vacation is the States to see my friends and family (this isn't all bad because we go to Kauai often enough).

2. Matt never gets to choose (okay he was kind of whining about this, but since it was basically true I let it slide).

3. We have not taken a family holiday to a foreign destination in years (I don't count Tenerife as a foreign holiday destination because it is just one giant English pub along an expanse of sand).

Matt decided that he would like to take the family on holiday and that HE would CHOOSE the destination.  My inner control freak was a little bit a lot uncomfortable with allowing him this heady freedom, but the rest of me agreed that it was only fair.  After thinking long and hard (about 2.48 minutes) he informed me that we would go to Italy.

And so we began to plan and in planning got really, really excited.  Think of how great it will be:

1. Sitting at a sidewalk cafe sipping espresso in Rome.

2. Enjoying a langorous 6 course dinner in Tuscany.

3. Marvelling at the ruins of Pompeii.

4. Drinking in all of the sights we could cram into 8 days.

5.Having Maddie to ourselves the whole week and Maddie having us at the same time.

We decided to go in June because if we were to wait until Summer Holidays, the prices just about triple.  The week of the 8th was chosen, tickets were booked and diet was started in anticipation of eating my was down the West Coast of Italy.  Matt convinced me that renting a car would be the best way to go - screw public transportation - let's have the freedom to go where we want, when we want.

me:  "are you sure you will be comfortable driving over there?"

matt: "why not - it shouldn't be much different that driving in Germany or the States"

me: "okay, if you are sure......they have really good trains...."

matt: "stop it"

Car was booked (with trepidation), dog was book (to the kennel a.k.a 'the dog hotel'), hotel in London was booked so that we didn't have to drive to Heathrow the day of our flight.  Next thing to do:  

1. Figure out exactly where we wanted to go.

2. Book some places to stay.

Matt decided that he didn't want to:

1. Know EXACTLY where we would go - he wanted to have a loose game plan and see where the trip took us.

2. Book places to stay as we wouldn't really know where we were staying until we got there.

I convinced him to a least book a hotel in Rome for our first night so that we weren't stuck driving in a strange city during rush hour looking for a hotel.  I made this happen by booking the hotel as 'my treat'.  I found a great place right next to the Vatican and mere walking distance away from more sights than we could possibly take in.  We then decided that it would be prudent to book a room near the airport on our final night as our flight was early-ish and we didn't know how long it would take to get there from the city.

As for the rest of the trip we made our game plan which consisted of spending a night and following day in Rome, driving North through Tuscany and stopping in Florence and Pisa, then cruising back down South to the Amalfi Coast and Pompeii, finally returning to Rome for a final evening.

Done and done - let the holiday begin.  We were so ready for a break and as the weeks got closer our excitement grew.  I love traveling - don't you?

Raced my little heart out

I signed up about a month ago to do the Race for Life here in Lincoln.  It is something that I have wanted to do for a number of years, but have never done because life kept getting in the way of the race.  This year, however, I found myself committed to racing with about 8 other women from my gym (some staff, some members).

I knew from talking to others who have participated that it was going to be a light hearted event (although in support of a very serious cause).  I had seen pictures on the race for life website with women wearing pink wigs, tutus, etc.  I was prepared to dress up for the event by doning a pink tutu although I made the decision to not put it on until I got there and met up with everyone, in case I was the only one looking a bit silly.

How underdressed did I feel when I pulled up to the event and saw the 4,000 women already there dressed like they were going to nightclub on acid.  Wigs, tutus, ballgowns, dayglow fishnets, fairy wings and tiaras.  I slipped my sad little tutu over my shorts and waited for the rest of the gang to arrive.

I had no expectations of the event so when I got there was delighted to find out that that were giving out free body tatoos and pink water to everyone  (a bit like being at Coachella or Burning Man, but with all girls and some running thrown in).

They split everyone into groups of runners, joggers and walkers.  Four of us decided to 'jog' and the rest to walk.  Off we went in the hot sun, 4,000 shades of pink bobbing along the tarmac at RAF Waddington.  About 2 km in I realized:

 "Hey, I didn't eat breakfast this morning....it is 80 degrees with no wind....and I have done a proper race in about 7 years....I feel a bit sick to my stomach and I think my ankle is about to give...."

By the 4th kilometer, not even the bagpipe band and screaming masses were enough to keep me going.  I stopped to walk for a bit.  I felt really shitty and sorry for myself for about 500 meters.  Then I felt really shitty about being such a lame-ass.  I started thinking of my friend Helene, whom I was racing for, as well as all of the other women who have battled and are currently battling cancer.  These women get up every day and live their lives with uncertain futures and the pain and sickness that comes with fighting their own bodies. Those that I know personally have done it with grace and courage and who the hell was I to be whining about a sore ankle and nausea.  I felt shame at even allowing self pity to seep into my brain at that point and instead focused on their strength, which gave me enough strength to run like an olympic sprinter for the final furlong. 

Seriously, remember that scene in The Firm?  The one where Tom Cruise is running like his ass was on fire because the mafia was chasing him?  Well that, my friends, is how I ended my first Race for Life - glorious!!!

(I actually almost elbowed that small child in green to my right to stay ahead of her -

nothing says charity race like showing a 10 year old whose boss!)

As I always do after doing something crazy,exhausting, or physically demeaning - I rewarded myself with a large plate of nachos when I got home.  As I ate them, I thought of my friend Helene and how much she would laugh if she could have seen how funny I looked crossing the finish line in a pink tutu with my hair plastered in sweat and my arms flailing like a monkey. 

I am certainly marking this event in my planner as one to do next year.  I think I may start planning my costume now.

Help Me Decide

Summer Ball time is here and I am trying to decide on a dress.  You may gather from most of the pics that I am loving green this year.  Please leave a comment and tell me which dress you like.  If you don't know me I have a chin length blondish bob and will hopefully be a bit tan as we will be just returning from Italy when I wear it.  Please also note that this ball (although a summer one) is in England.....last year it was so cold and rainy we were calling it the Christmas Ball.  Thanks for your feedback!!!

R.I.P. Selena - Hairdresser Extraodinaire

Okay - so my beloved hairdresser is not really dead - but she may as well be - she has left the scene and left no traces of where or how to find her (why didn't I get her last name)!?!?!

I happened across this gem of a hair artist about 2 years ago just before I opened my gym.  There is a salon in the same complex and I decided that:

1.  I needed to stop coloring my hair myself (it just stopped working right after I had a baby - maybe the hormones???)
2. Making nice with the owner and hairstylists would be good for my buisness.
3. I really needed a good professional cut and re-style after the great post-pregnancy hair loss of 2006 (seriously, there weren't bald patches but it could pull out clumps of hair every morning).

I made an appointment and was booked in with Selena.  Our first date was a bit off-putting at first:

1. She was a bit moody and weird.  She didn't really like to talk and seemed slightly disinterested.
2. She refused to give me an opinion - kept asking me what I wanted and when I waffled she left decisions to me saying "it's your choice." 

I don't know about you but I am clueless about hair.  I need for somebody to tell me what will work.  I do not always agree and usually end up having an opinion if I think it is too extreme, but I found her lack of input frightening.

When I finally described the style I was going for, she cut and colored my hair and IT WAS FABULOUS.  I have never had such a gorgeous cut and color.  Well, there was the one hairdresser in San Diego that I went to once, while back there on vacation from England.  He charged more than some people pay for a mortgage payment and took 5 hours to complete my look (I get shivers thinking about how wonderful my hair looked after he finished).

I stayed with Selena ever since, letting her play with color and texture and style.  Our relationship was still weird - she didn't really like to talk and left me to alot of the decision making, but each and every time I walked out of that salon I felt like I was shooting a hair commercial.

When she left I tried 2 other stylists at the salon and they were - not so good.  Everything I asked for them not to do, they did:

1. Did I ask for twin rat tails streaming down the side of my face?
2. Do I have to pay for the extra strip of color you left on the back of my neck?
3. Oh, please, please straighten my already stick straight and baby fine hair so that it hangs, pasted down my scalp?
4.  Is that a duck tail in the back of my head?
5. Really, mullets are back in style?

They both had an overbearing opinion about everything and my hair left feeling very sad both times.

My 3 inch dark brown roots flecked with platinum (yeah - they are not silver it is blonde) have decided that it is time to move on and find a new stylist.  I have booked an appointment on Thursday with a girl at a very posh salon who is supposed to be 'magic with hair'.  I hope she lives up to her reputation.  If she does the first question that I will ask her is:  "What is your last name?"

OMG - Cheese and Bacon HEAVEN

I type this with heavy fingers.....from the water I am retaining following last night's feast of all things cheesy, bacon-y and filled with nitrates.  My neighbor and her daughter came over for dinner last night and it being Friday I was not in the mood to make an overly fussy dinner.  I wanted to hang and enjoy the company.  I decided to get some pizzas and garlic bread (easy as it gets) and supplement it with a recipe I have been eyeballing for awhile.
The recipe comes from a cookbook that I picked up last year for Maddie myself, called 'Cookbook for Girls - Fabulous Food for Gorgeous Girls'. 

They call this dish 'Cheesy Potato Skins', but I immediately coined it 'ohmygodithinkijustdiedandwenttoheavenican'tbelieveiameatinghalfaslabofbaconandapoundofcheese'

Here is the recipe:

4 Large Baking Potatoes (prick with fork brush with oil and bake for 1 hour 400F)

Take these bad boys out of the oven when crispy and let cool slightly
Cut in half the long way and scoop out the insides (leaving a layer of potato)
Cut in half again the long way and place on a baking tray
Season skins with a bit of paprika (I used chipotle spice)

Fill them with:

A layer of cooked and crumbled bacon

Grated cheese mixed with green onion (I used cheddar, but bonus points for creativity here)

Finish off with a layer of more bacon

Pop them back in the oven until the cheese melts (I did this then gave them 1 minute under the broiler)

Serve with sour cream and chive dip and salsa (or the condiments of your choice)

Feel your arteries harden and your heart simultaneously curse and bless you at the same time.


You are welcome in advance.