'Maddie'nes - The Art of Being 3.5

My daughter has been filled with 'Maddie'ness' over the past week (okay so really it was like 3 weeks ago now, but I have been busy and SICK and haven't finished this post).  She often comes up with hysterical musings, but this week 3 weeks ago had been one non-stop rollercoaster ride of gems.  Here are just a few:

St George's day was a few weeks ago and Maddie's school had sent home a note asking that children wear something red to celebrate.  Lucky for me, Matt had bought her an England football jersey that was RED.  I brought it downstairs on Friday morning and Maddie took one look at it and said:

"NO"!
me: "But Maddie - you told me yesterday you wanted your room painted red - that is was your favorite color..."
maddie: Slight pause "I did like it, but I don't now"
me: "Well Maddie, everyone is dressing in red today to celebrate St George's Day, so you need to wear this shirt"
maddie: "NO, I SAID I D-O-N-T W-A-N-T T-O-O-O!!!"
me: "It is getting late now, please put the shirt on or you will hurt St. George's feelinings"
maddie: "What is a St. George"
me: "St. George is a man - he is the patron Saint of England and today you are celebrating him"
maddie: "Well..............he must be really old.........because I don't know him"
me: "Yes he is really old"
maddie: "Is he your friend mommy?"
me: "Yes, and he called this morning and asked if you would please wear a red shirt"
maddie: "You didn't say THAT!!!  Okay, but only because he is your friend."

A couple of days later while she was taking a bath she asked what her body was.  I replied that it was everything from her head to her toes.

maddie: "Even my bones?"
me: "yes your bones and your muscles."
maddie: "muscles?  What are those?"
me: "They make us strong so we can do things."
maddie: "Like play?!?!"
me: "Yes and run and walk and help mommy move heavy furniture and unload the dishwasher..."
maddie: "Where are the muscles?"
me: "Well, we have muscles in our arms and stomach and legs."
maddie: "And our BUMS?" (giggle)
me: "Acutally yes - it is called our gluteous maximus."
maddie: (laughing hysterically now...) "glue masticuffs?  That's a silly name."
me: "Yes it is."
maddie: "Big people have big bums like you and little people have little bums like me."
me: "This is true."
maddie: "And my brains are in my body."
me: "yes they are inside your skull."
maddie: "What are brains?"
me: "They help you think of things."
maddie: "Like toys?"
me: "Pretty much."
maddie: "What's a skull?"
me: "The bones around your brain to keep it safe?"
maddie: "Safe from monsters so it can think of toys?"
me: "You got it!"

At this point Maddie made a really funny face and I asked her why she was making it.

maddie: "My brain is trying to play with my skull, but the skull won't share."
me: "Oh - I hate it when that happens - not nice."
maddie: "No it is NOT - that is why my brain is very grumpy right now!"

Welcome to my Monday (3 weeks ago)!

Does it Count - Take 2

In a desparate attempt to keep Maddie entertained yesterday while I was battling an ugly cold (and losing), we decided to set up a pretend grocery store in the living room and take turns being the shopkeeper and the customer.  I lined up a table with some items from our cupboard and Maddie found some 'coins' that the customer could use to purchase the stuff. 

We went 2 or 3 rounds of selecting items, paying for them and then swapping roles.  We kept adding things to the game to keep it interesting.  A piece of toilet paper that originally served as our 'receipt' was replaced by some real ones that I dug out of my purse.  A bag was procured to place purchased items in.  The store grew from 7 items from my kitchen to include a random variety of Maddie's toys (the shop was expanding into new markets).

It was my turn to be the customer and I decided to purchase a pink camel.  I asked at the 'till' how much my purchase would be and Maddie responded "45".

"But I only have 5 coins"
Split second pause before...
"Well then you better use a card"
Wait - a credit card had not been introduced into the game...
"What did you say", I asked choking back tears of laughter and some phlegm that had risen in my throat (I was SICK)!
"I said - use a CARD - go on - you heard me!!!"
I sheepishly went into the kitchen to fetch an old credit card out of my purse and when I handed to Maddie she said, "Not that one, the silver one - its better" (it truly is but how did she know?)

Today while out shopping I spied a toy cash register that had a built in 'scanner' and 'credit card machine'.  It also contained a small basket filled with some plastic 'food items'.  When we unwrapped it at home I got a better look at the food items contained within:  Ketchup, Milk, Animal Crackers, Sardines, Mints and Fruit Cocktail.  Kind of a bizarre mix for a kids toy, but hey - to each his own.  After playing shop for a couple of hours, Maddie announced that she was going to bake me a cake. 

Then the phone rang and it was my best friend Rachel (Diapers, Dogs and Cooking in Heels).  While chatting with her, Maddie kept popping into the kitchen to let me know about the progress of my 'cake':

1. She was getting all the stuff
2. She was putting it into a bowl
3. She was mixing it
4. The dog was licking the bowl and please tell her to stop
5. She had to start over because of the dog spit, but was using the same bowl and it was okay
6. She was putting it in the 'oven'
7. She was putting it in the 'fridge' because I was taking too long on the phone
8. \She was serving it NOW because she didn't want to wait any longer for cake

Still on the phone, I was presented with a plate of 'cake'.  When asked what was in the cake, the response was:
Ketchup, Milk, Animal Crackers, Sardines, Mints and Fruit Cocktail.  Nice!  I have to say that I enjoyed my piece while Rachel was on the other end laughing her ass off.

Sooooooooooo.  Technically I can cross another thing of my 25 Things List which is - try new recipe that I have never had before (okay really it was meant to be made by ME, but.....).  I can honestely say that I have never had a pretend cake made with Ketchup, Milk, Animal Crackers, Sardines, Mints and Fruit Cocktail.  What do you think - does it count?

Gave my Child a Larger Room - Sacrificed my Shins (and Sanity)

Today I swapped Maddie's bedroom over to the much larger guest bedroom (and vice versa).  We love our houseguests when they visit and hope they have fond memories of the large digs, but our daughter's ever expanding array of crap  stuff necessitated some serious changes.

Matt and I had originally chosen the smaller room for Maddie because:

1. We live in a 3 story house (our bedroom is on the top floor) and her bedroom on the 2nd floor was right at the bottom of our stairs.
2. We wanted to keep her in the bedroom away from the bathroom so that if we did have guests and they flushed in the middle of the night, it wouldn't wake her up.
3. He bedroom was away from the staircase leading downstairs and we wanted to encourage her to come up to us and not downstairs on her own.

We agreed to move her over because:

1. We rarely have houseguests and Maddie sleeps like a log so nobody is going to wake her if she doesn't want to be woken.
2. Maddie usually comes up to get us when she gets up in the morning because she doesn't like being downstairs by herself.  Occassionly she meanders downstairs on her own, fires up the MacBook Pro and grooves on the the Nick Jr. website, where she will sit quietly until we hear the music and freak out, but not normally. You think I'm kidding, don't you.....
3. Her current room is squashed full of stuff and there is nothing she is ready to part with (okay in fairness I did 'lose' a couple of items today).

So, one more item checked off my 25 Things List and one step closer to that charming insance asylum in the next village over.  I must be a glutton for punishment, because it was akin to ripping all your teeth out one by one and putting them back in another sore and bleeding mouth socket the whole time wondering why the hell you would do something so stupid.  Sorry for the rotten visual, but you really need to know how bad it was.

We started at 9am and, well if I am being honest, are still not completely finished.  The rooms are swapped over so I can cross it off my list, but the new guest room I've started calling 'Little Beruit'.  It started off quite merrily - Maddie was really excited to 'move' and really wanted to 'help'.....for about 25 minutes.  Then she really just wanted to spread out all of her toys and 'play', while I heaved heavy furniture through doorways. 

I got stuck at least 9 times in uncomfortable positions between door frames and heavy objects - each time injuring a part of my body in a new creative place and loosening my grip on my normally feminist initiative.  I started muttering things like:

1.  Where is your father? (on the beach in Cyprus)
2.  Women weren't cut out for this! (gasp)
3.  Where is a strong man when you really need him? (shudder)
4.  Maddie - I know you're 3, but man-up and hoist a bit higher on your end! (seriously)

We got about half way through and I was going to call it a day because Maddie was starting to re-assess her loving feelings towards me and I was tempted to:

1.  Find a cold beer
2.  Drink it
3.  At noon on a Wednesday

Because there was no cold/warm/hot beer in our house (and Matt would skin me alive if I broke open his bottle of Private Stock), we took a lunch break instead.  We got some freash air and took the dog out for a walk then came back and finished getting everything organized in Maddie's new room.  I managed to get all of the heavy furniture moved by myself with the exception of Maddie's bed. It needed to be taken apart and could I find the alan key I needed to do that one little last task - could I, could I, could I?  I was almost resigned to letting her sleep on the queen size guest bed that was already in her room, but didn't want her getting used to it (the child LOVES a big bed). Fortunately I found the desired tool and (with Maddie's help of course) took apart her bed and moved it.

As we speak Princess Madison is asleep in her new room and thankfully has decided she likes it (like it would matter at this point -  I would rather shave my eyebrows off than move her again).

She has decided she wants it painted yellow and I have decided that I will be waiting until she goes back to school before undertaking that little job.  Actually - I might be waiting for Matt to come to undertake that one for me!

Kittyn ;p

25 Things

All around blogger-land people seem to have lists of things to accomplish before a milestone event (their 30th birthday for instance).  To amuse myself while my husband is gone and make the time go by more quickly, I have compiled a list of 25 things to do before he gets back (end of May).  Here they are in no particular order of importance:

1. Teach Maddie to use the toilet at night
2. Repot my Aloe Vera Plant and the offshoots (to give to friends)
3. Have a spa evening at home complete with treatments, candles and music
4. Have my eyebrows 'threaded'
5. Take the dog to the DIY dog wash to hose her down
6. Take the dog to Whisby Lake to mucky her up
7.Do the Chicken Run in full costume
8. Swap Maddie over into the larger room
9.Plant some flower seeds in the front garden
10.Redecorate the gym
11.Lose 10 pounds
12.Make a dish I have never tried before
13.Go on a mini road trip for the day to a random place on the map (I might let Maddie decide)
14.Get the best icecream ever from that place in Woodhall Spa
15.Hook up our old computer to the TV downstairs ala Sully so I can cruise the net on the big screen
16.Find the perfect dress for Summer Ball
17.Stay in my PJs all day with Maddie and watch movies
18.Stay at the playground for as long as Maddie wants even if I'm getting cold and bored
19.Do some trampolining with Maddie
20.Get the Living Room Carpet professionally cleaned
21.Fly a kite in the park
22.Take my daughter out for dinner - in a real restaurant
23.Fix the mole hill destruction in the garden  fix the new mole hil destruction in the garden
23.Paint our Wooden Garden Furniture
24. Complete at least one piece of beaded jewelry
25. Finish my super secret project (this does not include world domination, solving the theory of everything, keeping the house clean for a whole day or buying the house I really want behind Matt's back).