An American in Panto

In America, men who walk around dressed in ladies things are usually drag queens, halloween revelers or frat boys during Hell Week. In England men dressed in ladies things are usually actors.  This normally occurs around Christmas and these actors would most likely be the starring Dame in their local Panto.  

Panto is short for Pantomime - a traditional Christmas play which is about as far from the Nativity as one could imagine.  These plays normally involve song, dance, comedy, slapstick, audience participation and mild to strong sexual innuendo depending on the audience and how drunk the actors are on the final night. The plots are often loosely based on traditional children's stories. Panto is steeped in a number of traditions and superstitions - most of which have remained over the years:

• The leading male character is called the Principal Boy and is almost always played by a woman usually dressed in short, tight fitting skirts accompanied by knee-high leather boots and stockings. 

• The pantomime dame is usually played by a man - the bigger the better in my opinion.  They get the best costumes, at least 4 wigs changes, fake knockers that would put Dolly to shame AND they get to wear more makeup than KISS.

• There is plenty of audience participation - which can be a bit daunting if you have never been on stage with people yelling things at you.   The best bit about it (as I found out) is that the cast can yell back!  Also, the audience is usually forced to stand up and sing a really awful song or two while cast members throw sweets to the kids.  Although these days with health and safety laws the candy can't be flung anymore - boo to that!

• Depending on whether or not the character is a 'goodie' or a  'baddie' they will always enter and exit on the right side of the stage 'goodie' or the left 'baddie'.  An astute (and awake) audience will spot a naive director if a mistake is made.

• In pantomime the last lines spoken in the finale; (traditionally in rhyming couplets) should never be spoken in rehearsal as this is considered very bad luck. Instead the actor will normally replace the lines in rehearsals by saying 'rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb'.  The actual lines are uttered for the first time on the opening night (if the actor can remember what they are).  There has been more than one occasion on opening night when the beads of sweat break out on the actor's forehead as he/she desperately tries to NOT say 'rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb'.  I really hope I am over here long enough to have that happen.  Because it would be funny.....and some of us would do anything for a laugh.

• The last actors to appear on stage in  finale are traditionally the Principal Boy and Girl, who have usually gotten married at the end of the show. 

• Whistling in a dressing room is a bad omen and if you care caught doing this you have to leave the room, turn around three times, knock and re-enter, usually uttering a curse.  Okay, in fairness, I have never heard of this but it does sound like something the British would invoke.

The first time I was asked to audition for a pantomime I actually thought they meant miming - and I was NOT interested.  The director gently explained what it actually was (whilst wiping away the stream of tears that were the product of laughing so hard she cried).  I thought - okay this sounds like fun  - I'm in.  When I later found out that she wanted me to play one of the lead roles I was over the moon.  When I even later found out that the lead role she wanted me to play was King Arthur I was back under the moon (I did not want to dress up like a man).  When - after several glasses of wine - the director told me I could wear fishnets and the stripper boots I had acquired in Las Vegas, I was intrigued.  When I found out that the only reason I was being given the part was because I was the only person who could fit into the costume I didn't care - I was finally going to get an opportunity to wear my boots!!!  

And so began several years of playing principal boy on stage.  Luckily some other girls finally showed up on the scene who could also fit the costumes and I could say good-bye to playing a man on stage.  I am sad, however, that I now do not have a good reason to wear fishnets and stripper boots.  Perhaps Guy Fawkes Night could use a new traditional garb?