'Maddie-ness' The Art of Being 3.5

Yesterday Maddie wanted to go outside into the back garden to show me the butterfly feeder that she had made at the Minster School.  I had just come home from a long day at the gym and she was very excited to show me her creation.  I had to stop her though, from going outside because:

1. The back garden has not been mowed and has prickers (and dog poo if I'm being honest) everywhere
2. She was not wearing shoes
3. It is August and we have had a wasp invasion
4. She was stung by a wasp 4 days ago
5. Again with the not wearing shoes thing

She asked me why she couldn't go outside and I explained that I didn't want her to go out in her bare feet.

Maddie:  What is bare feet?
Me:  That is when you aren't wearing shoes.
Maddie:  Why?
Me:  That is the word for it.
Maddie:  Why can't we go out in bare feet?
Me:  Because you might step on something.
Maddie:  Like what?
Me:  Well, as wasp for one.
Maddie:  That would sting.
Me:  Yes.
Maddie:  Or...I could step on something slimy?
Me:  Yes.
Maddie:  Or something prickly?
Me:  Yes
Maddie Or something pooey?
Me:  Certainly, yes.
Maddie:  Or a dead body?
Me:  Where do you think we live?
Maddie:  Bardney!
Me:  Yes......why would there be dead bodies in our back garden?
Maddie:  I don't know........do you?
Me:  Not a clue.....but honey there are no dead bodies in our back garden.
Maddie:  But there might be wasps.
Me:  Yes.
Maddie:  So there might be dead bodies....
Me:  Well presented...

Note to readers:  At the last check we have NO dead bodies in the back garden that we are aware of.  There are the dead shells of about 2 dozen wasps that have met their demise with a can of Raid, but no dead bodies other than that.  We will (on Maddie's request) be keeping a close eye on the possibility of dead bodies in the back garden and will keep you informed if any turn up.

Things That Are Off The List

Following a recent conversation with my best girlfriend (who shall remain nameless for now), I have decided to re-instate things that are off the list.  The original LIST was permanently displayed in marker on my other best friend's (yes you can have more than one) wall.  The original list included Mandy Moore and the Caliph (a drag queen bar) for reasons that I am not going to expand on at this moment.  This list was added to from time to time until the day that his girlfriend made him paint over it before they moved.  The new house was not allowed to have permanent marker on the wall (go figure) so the list was restarted in the garage where it presumably still grows today.  Yesterday, my girlfriend jokingly (?) decided to start a list of her own which included me on it (right after the pool vaccuum) - NICE!    In response here is my list (in no particular order of the off-ness that they are.)

1.  Watermelon
2.  Lucy the dog (you know what you did)
3.  Advertisers
4.  Pollen
5.  Talking iphone apps
6.  Washable kids paint
7.  Porridge (Maddie added this one)
8.  Thunder Flys
9.  Playgroup Committee
10.  HSBC

Happy Thursday - Feel free to add your own Off the List and share!

Planning the Perfect Family Holiday

Earlier in the year Matt and I were talking about vacations and holidays:

1. The only place we go on vacation is the States to see my friends and family (this isn't all bad because we go to Kauai often enough).

2. Matt never gets to choose (okay he was kind of whining about this, but since it was basically true I let it slide).

3. We have not taken a family holiday to a foreign destination in years (I don't count Tenerife as a foreign holiday destination because it is just one giant English pub along an expanse of sand).

Matt decided that he would like to take the family on holiday and that HE would CHOOSE the destination.  My inner control freak was a little bit a lot uncomfortable with allowing him this heady freedom, but the rest of me agreed that it was only fair.  After thinking long and hard (about 2.48 minutes) he informed me that we would go to Italy.

And so we began to plan and in planning got really, really excited.  Think of how great it will be:

1. Sitting at a sidewalk cafe sipping espresso in Rome.

2. Enjoying a langorous 6 course dinner in Tuscany.

3. Marvelling at the ruins of Pompeii.

4. Drinking in all of the sights we could cram into 8 days.

5.Having Maddie to ourselves the whole week and Maddie having us at the same time.

We decided to go in June because if we were to wait until Summer Holidays, the prices just about triple.  The week of the 8th was chosen, tickets were booked and diet was started in anticipation of eating my was down the West Coast of Italy.  Matt convinced me that renting a car would be the best way to go - screw public transportation - let's have the freedom to go where we want, when we want.

me:  "are you sure you will be comfortable driving over there?"

matt: "why not - it shouldn't be much different that driving in Germany or the States"

me: "okay, if you are sure......they have really good trains...."

matt: "stop it"

Car was booked (with trepidation), dog was book (to the kennel a.k.a 'the dog hotel'), hotel in London was booked so that we didn't have to drive to Heathrow the day of our flight.  Next thing to do:  

1. Figure out exactly where we wanted to go.

2. Book some places to stay.

Matt decided that he didn't want to:

1. Know EXACTLY where we would go - he wanted to have a loose game plan and see where the trip took us.

2. Book places to stay as we wouldn't really know where we were staying until we got there.

I convinced him to a least book a hotel in Rome for our first night so that we weren't stuck driving in a strange city during rush hour looking for a hotel.  I made this happen by booking the hotel as 'my treat'.  I found a great place right next to the Vatican and mere walking distance away from more sights than we could possibly take in.  We then decided that it would be prudent to book a room near the airport on our final night as our flight was early-ish and we didn't know how long it would take to get there from the city.

As for the rest of the trip we made our game plan which consisted of spending a night and following day in Rome, driving North through Tuscany and stopping in Florence and Pisa, then cruising back down South to the Amalfi Coast and Pompeii, finally returning to Rome for a final evening.

Done and done - let the holiday begin.  We were so ready for a break and as the weeks got closer our excitement grew.  I love traveling - don't you?

Raced my little heart out

I signed up about a month ago to do the Race for Life here in Lincoln.  It is something that I have wanted to do for a number of years, but have never done because life kept getting in the way of the race.  This year, however, I found myself committed to racing with about 8 other women from my gym (some staff, some members).

I knew from talking to others who have participated that it was going to be a light hearted event (although in support of a very serious cause).  I had seen pictures on the race for life website with women wearing pink wigs, tutus, etc.  I was prepared to dress up for the event by doning a pink tutu although I made the decision to not put it on until I got there and met up with everyone, in case I was the only one looking a bit silly.

How underdressed did I feel when I pulled up to the event and saw the 4,000 women already there dressed like they were going to nightclub on acid.  Wigs, tutus, ballgowns, dayglow fishnets, fairy wings and tiaras.  I slipped my sad little tutu over my shorts and waited for the rest of the gang to arrive.

I had no expectations of the event so when I got there was delighted to find out that that were giving out free body tatoos and pink water to everyone  (a bit like being at Coachella or Burning Man, but with all girls and some running thrown in).

They split everyone into groups of runners, joggers and walkers.  Four of us decided to 'jog' and the rest to walk.  Off we went in the hot sun, 4,000 shades of pink bobbing along the tarmac at RAF Waddington.  About 2 km in I realized:

 "Hey, I didn't eat breakfast this morning....it is 80 degrees with no wind....and I have done a proper race in about 7 years....I feel a bit sick to my stomach and I think my ankle is about to give...."

By the 4th kilometer, not even the bagpipe band and screaming masses were enough to keep me going.  I stopped to walk for a bit.  I felt really shitty and sorry for myself for about 500 meters.  Then I felt really shitty about being such a lame-ass.  I started thinking of my friend Helene, whom I was racing for, as well as all of the other women who have battled and are currently battling cancer.  These women get up every day and live their lives with uncertain futures and the pain and sickness that comes with fighting their own bodies. Those that I know personally have done it with grace and courage and who the hell was I to be whining about a sore ankle and nausea.  I felt shame at even allowing self pity to seep into my brain at that point and instead focused on their strength, which gave me enough strength to run like an olympic sprinter for the final furlong. 

Seriously, remember that scene in The Firm?  The one where Tom Cruise is running like his ass was on fire because the mafia was chasing him?  Well that, my friends, is how I ended my first Race for Life - glorious!!!

(I actually almost elbowed that small child in green to my right to stay ahead of her -

nothing says charity race like showing a 10 year old whose boss!)

As I always do after doing something crazy,exhausting, or physically demeaning - I rewarded myself with a large plate of nachos when I got home.  As I ate them, I thought of my friend Helene and how much she would laugh if she could have seen how funny I looked crossing the finish line in a pink tutu with my hair plastered in sweat and my arms flailing like a monkey. 

I am certainly marking this event in my planner as one to do next year.  I think I may start planning my costume now.

Help Me Decide

Summer Ball time is here and I am trying to decide on a dress.  You may gather from most of the pics that I am loving green this year.  Please leave a comment and tell me which dress you like.  If you don't know me I have a chin length blondish bob and will hopefully be a bit tan as we will be just returning from Italy when I wear it.  Please also note that this ball (although a summer one) is in England.....last year it was so cold and rainy we were calling it the Christmas Ball.  Thanks for your feedback!!!

R.I.P. Selena - Hairdresser Extraodinaire

Okay - so my beloved hairdresser is not really dead - but she may as well be - she has left the scene and left no traces of where or how to find her (why didn't I get her last name)!?!?!

I happened across this gem of a hair artist about 2 years ago just before I opened my gym.  There is a salon in the same complex and I decided that:

1.  I needed to stop coloring my hair myself (it just stopped working right after I had a baby - maybe the hormones???)
2. Making nice with the owner and hairstylists would be good for my buisness.
3. I really needed a good professional cut and re-style after the great post-pregnancy hair loss of 2006 (seriously, there weren't bald patches but it could pull out clumps of hair every morning).

I made an appointment and was booked in with Selena.  Our first date was a bit off-putting at first:

1. She was a bit moody and weird.  She didn't really like to talk and seemed slightly disinterested.
2. She refused to give me an opinion - kept asking me what I wanted and when I waffled she left decisions to me saying "it's your choice." 

I don't know about you but I am clueless about hair.  I need for somebody to tell me what will work.  I do not always agree and usually end up having an opinion if I think it is too extreme, but I found her lack of input frightening.

When I finally described the style I was going for, she cut and colored my hair and IT WAS FABULOUS.  I have never had such a gorgeous cut and color.  Well, there was the one hairdresser in San Diego that I went to once, while back there on vacation from England.  He charged more than some people pay for a mortgage payment and took 5 hours to complete my look (I get shivers thinking about how wonderful my hair looked after he finished).

I stayed with Selena ever since, letting her play with color and texture and style.  Our relationship was still weird - she didn't really like to talk and left me to alot of the decision making, but each and every time I walked out of that salon I felt like I was shooting a hair commercial.

When she left I tried 2 other stylists at the salon and they were - not so good.  Everything I asked for them not to do, they did:

1. Did I ask for twin rat tails streaming down the side of my face?
2. Do I have to pay for the extra strip of color you left on the back of my neck?
3. Oh, please, please straighten my already stick straight and baby fine hair so that it hangs, pasted down my scalp?
4.  Is that a duck tail in the back of my head?
5. Really, mullets are back in style?

They both had an overbearing opinion about everything and my hair left feeling very sad both times.

My 3 inch dark brown roots flecked with platinum (yeah - they are not silver it is blonde) have decided that it is time to move on and find a new stylist.  I have booked an appointment on Thursday with a girl at a very posh salon who is supposed to be 'magic with hair'.  I hope she lives up to her reputation.  If she does the first question that I will ask her is:  "What is your last name?"

OMG - Cheese and Bacon HEAVEN

I type this with heavy fingers.....from the water I am retaining following last night's feast of all things cheesy, bacon-y and filled with nitrates.  My neighbor and her daughter came over for dinner last night and it being Friday I was not in the mood to make an overly fussy dinner.  I wanted to hang and enjoy the company.  I decided to get some pizzas and garlic bread (easy as it gets) and supplement it with a recipe I have been eyeballing for awhile.
The recipe comes from a cookbook that I picked up last year for Maddie myself, called 'Cookbook for Girls - Fabulous Food for Gorgeous Girls'. 

They call this dish 'Cheesy Potato Skins', but I immediately coined it 'ohmygodithinkijustdiedandwenttoheavenican'tbelieveiameatinghalfaslabofbaconandapoundofcheese'

Here is the recipe:

4 Large Baking Potatoes (prick with fork brush with oil and bake for 1 hour 400F)

Take these bad boys out of the oven when crispy and let cool slightly
Cut in half the long way and scoop out the insides (leaving a layer of potato)
Cut in half again the long way and place on a baking tray
Season skins with a bit of paprika (I used chipotle spice)

Fill them with:

A layer of cooked and crumbled bacon

Grated cheese mixed with green onion (I used cheddar, but bonus points for creativity here)

Finish off with a layer of more bacon

Pop them back in the oven until the cheese melts (I did this then gave them 1 minute under the broiler)

Serve with sour cream and chive dip and salsa (or the condiments of your choice)

Feel your arteries harden and your heart simultaneously curse and bless you at the same time.


You are welcome in advance.

'Maddie'ness' - The Art of being 3.5 (oh yes there is more)

Last week I was at rehearsal for our new one act play.  We normally rehearse on Wednesdays and when Matt is gone (or working nights) I take Maddie with me.  She has literally grown up back stage at Whittle Hall, knows most of the directors and actors, and where to find the good biscuits in the girls dressing room back stage.  Everyone there has watched her grow up from a tiny newborn (seriously, I auditioned for a play when she was 5 days old), to a stubborn toddler who would yell for me to come on stage (even if it wasn't my turn), to the cute and funny girl who watches us rehearse while quietly putting in her two cents every now and again.

We had just wrapped up on a couple of run throughs and the director wanted to have a bit of a de-briefing with us.  Usually at this time, Maddie likes to come up on stage and run around a bit.  She was really hamming it up this time, trying out the props, sitting on the furniture and singing a little song.  One of the directors turned to Maddie and said:

"So - are you going to be an actress when you grow up"
Maddie replied "NO!  I am going to be a rescue dog" (duh)

At which point I piped in and said "I don't think that you can actually be a rescue dog - because you are not really a dog."
Maddie: "I know - I'm just pretending"
Me: "Oh- carry on then"
Maddie: "But really when I grow up I am going to be...."

wait for it.......

"...23"

We all pretty much lost it at that point, which really pissed her off.

Maddie:  "That's not funny - I can BE 23 when I get big and then you are not going to be my best friend anymore"

Me: "Okay - you can be 23 when you get big, but can we still be friends?"

Maddie: "I'll think about it."

Little Gems

'Maddie'nes - The Art of Being 3.5

My daughter has been filled with 'Maddie'ness' over the past week (okay so really it was like 3 weeks ago now, but I have been busy and SICK and haven't finished this post).  She often comes up with hysterical musings, but this week 3 weeks ago had been one non-stop rollercoaster ride of gems.  Here are just a few:

St George's day was a few weeks ago and Maddie's school had sent home a note asking that children wear something red to celebrate.  Lucky for me, Matt had bought her an England football jersey that was RED.  I brought it downstairs on Friday morning and Maddie took one look at it and said:

"NO"!
me: "But Maddie - you told me yesterday you wanted your room painted red - that is was your favorite color..."
maddie: Slight pause "I did like it, but I don't now"
me: "Well Maddie, everyone is dressing in red today to celebrate St George's Day, so you need to wear this shirt"
maddie: "NO, I SAID I D-O-N-T W-A-N-T T-O-O-O!!!"
me: "It is getting late now, please put the shirt on or you will hurt St. George's feelinings"
maddie: "What is a St. George"
me: "St. George is a man - he is the patron Saint of England and today you are celebrating him"
maddie: "Well..............he must be really old.........because I don't know him"
me: "Yes he is really old"
maddie: "Is he your friend mommy?"
me: "Yes, and he called this morning and asked if you would please wear a red shirt"
maddie: "You didn't say THAT!!!  Okay, but only because he is your friend."

A couple of days later while she was taking a bath she asked what her body was.  I replied that it was everything from her head to her toes.

maddie: "Even my bones?"
me: "yes your bones and your muscles."
maddie: "muscles?  What are those?"
me: "They make us strong so we can do things."
maddie: "Like play?!?!"
me: "Yes and run and walk and help mommy move heavy furniture and unload the dishwasher..."
maddie: "Where are the muscles?"
me: "Well, we have muscles in our arms and stomach and legs."
maddie: "And our BUMS?" (giggle)
me: "Acutally yes - it is called our gluteous maximus."
maddie: (laughing hysterically now...) "glue masticuffs?  That's a silly name."
me: "Yes it is."
maddie: "Big people have big bums like you and little people have little bums like me."
me: "This is true."
maddie: "And my brains are in my body."
me: "yes they are inside your skull."
maddie: "What are brains?"
me: "They help you think of things."
maddie: "Like toys?"
me: "Pretty much."
maddie: "What's a skull?"
me: "The bones around your brain to keep it safe?"
maddie: "Safe from monsters so it can think of toys?"
me: "You got it!"

At this point Maddie made a really funny face and I asked her why she was making it.

maddie: "My brain is trying to play with my skull, but the skull won't share."
me: "Oh - I hate it when that happens - not nice."
maddie: "No it is NOT - that is why my brain is very grumpy right now!"

Welcome to my Monday (3 weeks ago)!

Dear So and So...

Again, I would like to thank Kat over at 3 bedroom bungalow for introducing me to an amazing way to blog and to my friend Rachel at Diapers, Dogs and Cooking in Heels for nagging me for a month to try it.

Dear Rand Farm,

I would like to thank you for having the foresight to stock such wonderful delicacies in your organic and locally sourced farm shop.  You may have just given me the inspiration that I need to complete another item off my 25 Things List (make/try a new recipe) because of this little number that was gracing your shelves:

What's not to love about Dragon's Breath Mustard?  I also picked up this little beauty which was sitting right next to the 'bad breath in a jar':

I would love to invite you (Rand Farm Staff) and all your livestock (leave the goats behind they are rude) over for dinner some night - how 'bout Sunday?

Most Sincerely, The Dragon Slayer



*******************************

Dear Brown Mass Aloe Plant,

Sorry about the sun and water - how was I to know?  Hope you like your new home as much as I enjoyed completing another item off my 25 Things List.   Really, really sorry.

Forgive me, P.E.N.O (Plant Enemy Number One)


**********************************

Dear cold virus,

Why do you have be like that?  In the future, just make your appearance and then leave (a little etiquette my friend).  You don't need to lurk around for days like a stalker then disappear only to come back unexpectedly with a weapon.  And your timing.....seriously?  Perhaps if you respected me and my boundaries, I wouldn't be forced to eat raw cloves of garlic and scare the neighbors. You are lame and I want nothing more to do with you.  Go and pick on the woman who told me I looked like I had gained weight a few weeks ago - she needs a friend like you!


Sniffle sniffle, kittyn ;p

Does it Count - Take 2

In a desparate attempt to keep Maddie entertained yesterday while I was battling an ugly cold (and losing), we decided to set up a pretend grocery store in the living room and take turns being the shopkeeper and the customer.  I lined up a table with some items from our cupboard and Maddie found some 'coins' that the customer could use to purchase the stuff. 

We went 2 or 3 rounds of selecting items, paying for them and then swapping roles.  We kept adding things to the game to keep it interesting.  A piece of toilet paper that originally served as our 'receipt' was replaced by some real ones that I dug out of my purse.  A bag was procured to place purchased items in.  The store grew from 7 items from my kitchen to include a random variety of Maddie's toys (the shop was expanding into new markets).

It was my turn to be the customer and I decided to purchase a pink camel.  I asked at the 'till' how much my purchase would be and Maddie responded "45".

"But I only have 5 coins"
Split second pause before...
"Well then you better use a card"
Wait - a credit card had not been introduced into the game...
"What did you say", I asked choking back tears of laughter and some phlegm that had risen in my throat (I was SICK)!
"I said - use a CARD - go on - you heard me!!!"
I sheepishly went into the kitchen to fetch an old credit card out of my purse and when I handed to Maddie she said, "Not that one, the silver one - its better" (it truly is but how did she know?)

Today while out shopping I spied a toy cash register that had a built in 'scanner' and 'credit card machine'.  It also contained a small basket filled with some plastic 'food items'.  When we unwrapped it at home I got a better look at the food items contained within:  Ketchup, Milk, Animal Crackers, Sardines, Mints and Fruit Cocktail.  Kind of a bizarre mix for a kids toy, but hey - to each his own.  After playing shop for a couple of hours, Maddie announced that she was going to bake me a cake. 

Then the phone rang and it was my best friend Rachel (Diapers, Dogs and Cooking in Heels).  While chatting with her, Maddie kept popping into the kitchen to let me know about the progress of my 'cake':

1. She was getting all the stuff
2. She was putting it into a bowl
3. She was mixing it
4. The dog was licking the bowl and please tell her to stop
5. She had to start over because of the dog spit, but was using the same bowl and it was okay
6. She was putting it in the 'oven'
7. She was putting it in the 'fridge' because I was taking too long on the phone
8. \She was serving it NOW because she didn't want to wait any longer for cake

Still on the phone, I was presented with a plate of 'cake'.  When asked what was in the cake, the response was:
Ketchup, Milk, Animal Crackers, Sardines, Mints and Fruit Cocktail.  Nice!  I have to say that I enjoyed my piece while Rachel was on the other end laughing her ass off.

Sooooooooooo.  Technically I can cross another thing of my 25 Things List which is - try new recipe that I have never had before (okay really it was meant to be made by ME, but.....).  I can honestely say that I have never had a pretend cake made with Ketchup, Milk, Animal Crackers, Sardines, Mints and Fruit Cocktail.  What do you think - does it count?

Lake + Dog = Happy Day

At the rate I am going I am going to have everything done of my 25 Things List by next weekend, leaving me with nothing to do for the other 5 weeks Matt is gone.  On that end, we have just completed:

Take the Dog to Whisby Lake to mucky her up a bit

Unbeknownst to Lucy (the dog) and Maddie (the child), I had planned to do something fun today.  After the misery that was yesterday I needed to:

1. Be outdoors
2. Put a smile on everyone's face
3. Be outdoors
4. Get Lucy some hardcore off the lead running time
5. Be outdoors

Did I mention it was supposed to be almost 70 degrees (it was)! 

We packed up a bag with a picnic lunch and off we went.  Whisby Lake has about 9 walking trails which surround a maze of small lakes.  They are all dog friendly, however, we always choose the one where you can let dogs off the lead.  It is only about 1.5 miles around and has a fence around the perimiter so dogs can't stray too far.  Lucy absolutely loves it there.  The minute we let her off the lead she does 5 things in the exact same order:

1.  Runs ahead out of sight at a terminal velocity
2.  Dives into the shallow river to the right of the path
3.  Runs back up the slope onto the path and SHAKES the water off onto anyone standing next to her
4. Crosses over to the left and jumpes down a steep incline into the lake
5. Runs back up and takes a massive dump

These 5 things are usually repeated several times during the stroll with the occassional stop to:

1. Chase some swans
2. Sniff some prime dog butt
3. Roll around on the gravel and dirt path like a crazy dog covered in bees
4. 'Point' into the bushes (we are sure she was a hunting dog before we got her)

Today we had the extra bonus of meeting up with, quite frankly, one of the funniest dalmations I have ever seen who ran like a bucking bronco through the shallow water. The dog had about a 3 foot vertical and could practically jump over Lucy.  I am not sure of the physics involved in this, but it was fairly extraordiary to watch.  Lucy was perplexed by the thrashing and jumping and seemed game to try to join in, but got bored after 5 minutes and just wanted to play fetch.

2 hours, 257 ball throws, 1 swan, 26 butt sniffs, 3 poos, 1 picnic and an icecream later we headed back exhausted and happy.  Lucy is getting a grooming tomorrow she is so mucky, which means I can also cross another item off my list!

I love these letters on 3 bedroom bungalow and thought I would link up to write a few of my own.


Dear Demon Child Sweet Princess,

I am so happy that you have taken to your new bedroom like I take to cheese.  Please enjoy it for at least 12 hours so that I can love you again tomorrow.

Yours,
Overtired in Bardney

*****************

Dear Matt,

Next time you get deployed to an island, you will be bringing 3 extra bags - one for me, one for Maddie and one for the dog.  If you don't have enough baggage allowance leave the laptop and me at home and take your darling daughter and dog (they love the beach).

Love,
The woman you once knew

***************

Dear Fur Beast,

You owe me a new set of sheets.  The incessant bed licking has rendered most of ours disgusting.  Lick your paws like a real dog - I'm just saying!

Gag,
Your Owner


*************************

To my new face cream,

You promised me so much, but I see no signs of improvement.  Get off your lazy ass or I am chucking you in the bin.

Regretfully,
Crowsfeet

Does it Count?

One of the items on my 25 Things List was to let Maddie stay at the playground for as long as she wanted even if I was feeling cold/bored/tired...........

Technically:
I could cross that item off my list today. 
I took my daughter to the playground. 
We didn't leave until she wanted to.

Really:
Not sure if the trip  met all the requirements
We left in a flood tears from a whopper of a Maddie Meltdown
We weren't there long enough for me to get cold/bored/tired

The Scene:  The local village playground
The Participants:  Maddie and several playgroup friends that showed up with their mums
The Turning Point:  When I wouldn't/couldn't lift Maddie overhead to get her to the top of the slide

So there we were at the playground, when to Maddie's delight (and mine), her best friend Emily showed up with her mum.  I was thinking it was going to be a nice afternoon - someone for Maddie to play with and adult conversation for me.  This lasted about 2 minutes, when Maddie suddenly decided her legs didn't work and wanted to be lifted to the top of a climbing frame.  The overhead lift required was something I was not prepared to do for several reasons:

1. My shoulder is out of whack and I CAN'T lift 35 pounds of wriggling weight that high
2. Maddie's legs work just fine (I checked)
3. A line was drawn I was going to be damned if I gave in to sacrifice ever being able to pick up even a fork again.

I sat down on a bench with Emily's mum while Emily ran off to play with some other friends that had appeared.  What did my daughter do?  Followed me to the bench screaming and crying at the top of her lungs for me to carry her.  After ignoring her for several minutes, I noticed she was calming down a bit.  After 5 minutes, she was able to scoop up her dignity and go play with her friends. Ahhhhhhhhh bliss.....

......until she decided that she wanted to be lifted on to things of height again and I again declined.

Cue:  Screaming, tears, foot stomping and a final cry of "I want to go home!!!"

So we did - does it count?

Kits ;p

Gave my Child a Larger Room - Sacrificed my Shins (and Sanity)

Today I swapped Maddie's bedroom over to the much larger guest bedroom (and vice versa).  We love our houseguests when they visit and hope they have fond memories of the large digs, but our daughter's ever expanding array of crap  stuff necessitated some serious changes.

Matt and I had originally chosen the smaller room for Maddie because:

1. We live in a 3 story house (our bedroom is on the top floor) and her bedroom on the 2nd floor was right at the bottom of our stairs.
2. We wanted to keep her in the bedroom away from the bathroom so that if we did have guests and they flushed in the middle of the night, it wouldn't wake her up.
3. He bedroom was away from the staircase leading downstairs and we wanted to encourage her to come up to us and not downstairs on her own.

We agreed to move her over because:

1. We rarely have houseguests and Maddie sleeps like a log so nobody is going to wake her if she doesn't want to be woken.
2. Maddie usually comes up to get us when she gets up in the morning because she doesn't like being downstairs by herself.  Occassionly she meanders downstairs on her own, fires up the MacBook Pro and grooves on the the Nick Jr. website, where she will sit quietly until we hear the music and freak out, but not normally. You think I'm kidding, don't you.....
3. Her current room is squashed full of stuff and there is nothing she is ready to part with (okay in fairness I did 'lose' a couple of items today).

So, one more item checked off my 25 Things List and one step closer to that charming insance asylum in the next village over.  I must be a glutton for punishment, because it was akin to ripping all your teeth out one by one and putting them back in another sore and bleeding mouth socket the whole time wondering why the hell you would do something so stupid.  Sorry for the rotten visual, but you really need to know how bad it was.

We started at 9am and, well if I am being honest, are still not completely finished.  The rooms are swapped over so I can cross it off my list, but the new guest room I've started calling 'Little Beruit'.  It started off quite merrily - Maddie was really excited to 'move' and really wanted to 'help'.....for about 25 minutes.  Then she really just wanted to spread out all of her toys and 'play', while I heaved heavy furniture through doorways. 

I got stuck at least 9 times in uncomfortable positions between door frames and heavy objects - each time injuring a part of my body in a new creative place and loosening my grip on my normally feminist initiative.  I started muttering things like:

1.  Where is your father? (on the beach in Cyprus)
2.  Women weren't cut out for this! (gasp)
3.  Where is a strong man when you really need him? (shudder)
4.  Maddie - I know you're 3, but man-up and hoist a bit higher on your end! (seriously)

We got about half way through and I was going to call it a day because Maddie was starting to re-assess her loving feelings towards me and I was tempted to:

1.  Find a cold beer
2.  Drink it
3.  At noon on a Wednesday

Because there was no cold/warm/hot beer in our house (and Matt would skin me alive if I broke open his bottle of Private Stock), we took a lunch break instead.  We got some freash air and took the dog out for a walk then came back and finished getting everything organized in Maddie's new room.  I managed to get all of the heavy furniture moved by myself with the exception of Maddie's bed. It needed to be taken apart and could I find the alan key I needed to do that one little last task - could I, could I, could I?  I was almost resigned to letting her sleep on the queen size guest bed that was already in her room, but didn't want her getting used to it (the child LOVES a big bed). Fortunately I found the desired tool and (with Maddie's help of course) took apart her bed and moved it.

As we speak Princess Madison is asleep in her new room and thankfully has decided she likes it (like it would matter at this point -  I would rather shave my eyebrows off than move her again).

She has decided she wants it painted yellow and I have decided that I will be waiting until she goes back to school before undertaking that little job.  Actually - I might be waiting for Matt to come to undertake that one for me!

Kittyn ;p

Redecorated the gym

I must be insane because I spent 6 hours on Easter Monday redecorating the gym.  Everything in the back was moved up front and everything up front - well I think you know where I am going with this.  The end result is:  The jury is still out on this one.  I am not sure if I love it or hate it.  I am not always receptive to change and this was a big one (even though it was self imposed).  When I opened my gym 18 months ago, I spent ages analysizing the space I had and where I wanted every last little thing to go.  When you spend that much time on a project (months), it can be hard to watch it disappear.  The change needed to be done for several reasons:

1. Members get bored after time and something as simple as moving the workout equipment can boost their interest.
2. We had added a new piece of equipment and the circuit was getting a bit tight where it was.
3. I wanted to break out of my comfort zone and try something new.

What I love about it:
1. Lots of space on the circuit now
2.Members' area is in the back which is a nice little space and near the kitchen where they can get a cup of coffee or tea.
3. Less pounding sunlight up front where the equipment is, which will be cooler in the summer.
4. It lets people see what we are all about when they hit the top of the steps - it screams - I AM A GYM!
5. My diet and nutrition classes can be held while the gym is open because we are around the corner from the music.

What I hate about it:
1.The reception desk is going to need to be moved to the rear of the gym which kind of defeats the point (that job is going to involve some re-wiring and was too major to undertake in a day).
2. When you walk into the gym you are immediately in the middle of - well - the gym.  If a person walks to enquire about membership or is there for their first appointment, it can be a bit intimidating to be in the middle of a group working out.
3.  We will never be able to hear another phone conversation again because the music just floods the place.

We'll see what the feedback is this week - I am prepared to move it all back again if it doesn't work (sorry Kayleigh and Kaz)...........

As soon as I get some pictures I will post them and maybe you can give me your feedback as well!

Chicken Run

Today I entered the 2nd Annual Chicken 5k Fun Run and Walk. 

A few of us from the gym had talked about doing it and I decided to go for it because:

1.  I had done the Santa Run earlier in the year and had a ball. 
2.  I personally had nothing better to do.
3.  I love an opportunity to dress in theme.
4.  Lucy  really needed to be taken out for a serious walk.



In the spirit of the event I was prepared to:

1.  Dress up like a chicken.
2.  Walk with my dog and my child (in a stroller) whilst having a good conversation with my friends.
3.  Make a fool of myself.
4.  Have a good time with some fun men and women.
5.  Not win.   We were placed at the back of the race with all the other people with animals and kids who were walking for fun so as not to get in the way of the 'serious' runners.  Seriously?  Who can be serious about running in a chicken suit......I'm just saying...
6. Be cold - the high was supposed to be 48 degrees with a strong wind and chance of rain.

I was not prepared to:

1. Run most of the 5k trailing behind my dog whilst pushing my 35 pound kid in her stroller.
2. Feel disappointed, when after gaining quite a bit of ground during a 10 minute sprint I had to stop while my dog pooped for England.  I watched, dejected and angry, at all the runners I had passed, pass me by with smiles on their faces (you know who you are).
3. Have my left arm ache so badly (arms aren't something that are normally sore after a race unless you have a large dog dragging you around a course or are involved in some sort of crazy wheelbarrel relay) .
4. Watch my dog get a medal for completing the 5k (although she really deserved one).
5. Sweat so badly in my fur chicken suit and head-dress.  I am almost always cold when running in England (except in the height of summer).  I was ready to strip nude by the 2nd mile which would have turned more heads than the girl wearing fishnets and a playboy bunny leotard (???)

Okay - we did not come in first, or second, or even 50th, but I do believe we finished at at least the 50th percentile, which isn't too shabby considering I was hampered down by a fur beast and kid.  All in all not a bad day - next year I think I will let the dog off the lead and let her go for it - really we were holding her back.   ;)

So that completes one whole item of my 25 Things List.  If I can stay awake until Maddie goes to bed and have the strength to catapult myself into the bathtub, I might just complete another item as well - my all inclusive spa night.  I will let you know tomorrow if it happens!

Kittyn

25 Things

All around blogger-land people seem to have lists of things to accomplish before a milestone event (their 30th birthday for instance).  To amuse myself while my husband is gone and make the time go by more quickly, I have compiled a list of 25 things to do before he gets back (end of May).  Here they are in no particular order of importance:

1. Teach Maddie to use the toilet at night
2. Repot my Aloe Vera Plant and the offshoots (to give to friends)
3. Have a spa evening at home complete with treatments, candles and music
4. Have my eyebrows 'threaded'
5. Take the dog to the DIY dog wash to hose her down
6. Take the dog to Whisby Lake to mucky her up
7.Do the Chicken Run in full costume
8. Swap Maddie over into the larger room
9.Plant some flower seeds in the front garden
10.Redecorate the gym
11.Lose 10 pounds
12.Make a dish I have never tried before
13.Go on a mini road trip for the day to a random place on the map (I might let Maddie decide)
14.Get the best icecream ever from that place in Woodhall Spa
15.Hook up our old computer to the TV downstairs ala Sully so I can cruise the net on the big screen
16.Find the perfect dress for Summer Ball
17.Stay in my PJs all day with Maddie and watch movies
18.Stay at the playground for as long as Maddie wants even if I'm getting cold and bored
19.Do some trampolining with Maddie
20.Get the Living Room Carpet professionally cleaned
21.Fly a kite in the park
22.Take my daughter out for dinner - in a real restaurant
23.Fix the mole hill destruction in the garden  fix the new mole hil destruction in the garden
23.Paint our Wooden Garden Furniture
24. Complete at least one piece of beaded jewelry
25. Finish my super secret project (this does not include world domination, solving the theory of everything, keeping the house clean for a whole day or buying the house I really want behind Matt's back).

Village Dining (a 3 part story) The last one folks...

It has taken me ages to write the last part of the saga that was our Valentines dinner in the village.  Partly because it contains odd bits of conversation that might not make sense to the random reader and partly because I have been too busy downloading apps on my iphone and doing taxes.  I have realized, however, that if I don't get it out I might never write another blog again.  So here goes, the remainder of our evening.

If you recall, during our dinner we:

1. Did NOT get eaten by zombies.
2. Did feel strangely uncomfortable by the fact that we were the only people there for the better part of 30 minutes.
3. Thought the olive plate was our 'starter sampler for two'
4. Found out we were wrong

Dinner was finally served after the montrosorous (it's a word ask any of us) appetizer and while we were eating our entrees, Matt and I embarked upon the type of conversation that we normally have when in public, social situations - random and bizarre.

It began when I picked up my silverware to cut into the sausage stuffed chicken I had ordered.  As you do, I picked up my utensils, cut the meat, set the knife down, switched my fork to my other hand and took a bite.  After the third run through of this, Matt commented that he had only ever seen American's eat that way - except for a guy he once knew.  The guy, he explained was teased for eating this way, until he bragged that he lived in the States for awhile (apparently that made it okay).

Brits keep their knife and fork at hand, using the knife as a kind of pushing vessel to ram food onto the fork.  I have actually found myself eating this way more often than not over the years and Matt wondered why the change.   I said that I really enjoyed being able to wield a knife around while dining (very liberating).  I have found that gesticulating with a knife in your hand will ensure your table mates are listening to your story - every time.  It is also particularly useful when sitting at a large table and you need to point to an item out of reach.

"Why wouldn't you just ask for the item?"
"Most likely my mouth would be crammed full of food - pointing with a knife is the less rude option."
"That's true."
"You're agreeing with me that it is the less rude option?"
"No that your mouth would be full of food."

The utensil story segued into a conversation about making vile things sound edible at fine dining establishments.  The item in question that evening was black pudding. There was a delicious menu item that I had almost chosen but it was accompanied by the stuff.  Black pudding (in my opinion) is nasty. It is a coagulated blood sausage-type thing - don't ask me what actually goes into it - I don't care to know.  We decided that the French were masters at disguising the nasties and came up with an apt name - Pud Noir. Doesn't sound so bad does it?  We were just about to recommend a menu change to the waiter in between fits of giggles when I looked at the time - it was about 8:30 and we told our neighbor we would be back by 9 at the latest.

By now the restaurant was busy and we had a hard time getting our waiters attention (Matt dared me to snap my fingers and make a writing gesture on my hand to signify we wanted to get the check, but I didn't fall for that one again).  The waiter finally arrived and asked us to make a dessert selection - when we politely asked if we could have it to go I thought he was going to choke on his tongue.  Was everything not okay, did we hate it and the restaurant, were we on to the whole zombie conspiracy?  We explained that everything was lovely, but we had to get home.  He agreed to box up some Bailey's Cheesecake and dropped off the bill.

As Matt was signing the bill I asked him why he didn't sign the credit card slip in cursive writing.  I kid you not folks - he looked at me point blank with this innocent expression and said:

"What, like with swear words?  Is that like explative writing?"
"No - you know cursive writing - loopy"
"I don't know what you mean and I am not loopy"
"You know you call it..." (I was struggling to find the right words) "conjoined writing"
"What like twins?"
"Huh?"
"Do you mean joined up writing?"
"I guess so - joined up sounds like a 5 year old coined the term though"
"What do you think the French would call it?"
"I am not sure, but they could probably make it sound good"

On that note - we left with our boxed up cheesecake in hand (with the entire restaurant watching us leave) and headed home after our first dinner in the village.

Village Dining (a 3 part story) Part Deux

At the end of Part 1 - Matt and I had just been seated in a cozy, quaint and very empty restaurant in our village on Valentines Day.  Being the only people there, we were a bit nervous about the diner to staff ratio going on and briefly thought the whole thing was a scam.

After we were sat, our waiter (and also one of the owners as we later found out), explained how the evening was going to proceed.  The Valentines menu was a 4 course dinner including:

A set starter platter for two

A choice of entrees

A choice of desserts

Coffee, chocolates and mints

We were encouraged to peruse the menu for our entree and told again that the platter for two had no choice - it came as is.  He took our drink order and walked away.  He came back about 2 minutes later with our drinks and asked us if we had any questions, were we ready to order, etc?  The entrees sounded spectacular and we did not want to hurry our choice (plus I was debating on the best option/combo so that I could get Matt to 'share').  We were again reminded to "take our time, table's ours for the evening."  A few more minutes rolled by and he came out holding what amounted to a large side plate on which sat:

A small bowl with 6 olives

2 celery pieces about the size of a thumb filled with something

2 small filo dough parcels filled with something else

Still not ready to order, we sent him away.  The ensuing conversation went something like this:

Matt:  'do you know what you want?'
Me: 'I thought I did, but now I'm not sure.'
Matt: 'Why?'
Me: 'If this is the size our our sampler starter for two, then I might go with a larger entree.'
Matt: 'Hmm?  What?  Do you think this is the starter platter?'
Me:  'Well, I suppose it could be an amuse bouche, but we are in Bardney - my money is on the platter'
Matt: 'They can't seriously charge that kind of money and expect to pass this as a platter'
Me:  'To quote the great Eddie Izzard - it is Britain - scale it down'
Matt:  'That is a bit beyond scaling it down - that would be taking the piss.'

The waiter arrived again to take our order (on which we had finally decided) and started to remove our half eaten "platter".   I almost grabbed his arm to force the plate back on to the table whilst screeching 'leave it!'  There were 2 olives left in the bowl and was going to be damned if he was going to take them away.  In my defense, I must mention that I was STARVING and had half a gin and tonic fueling the situation.  He relinquished the plate and walked away.  I decided that I was going to make those 2 olives last until our dinner came.  I made it a challenge - took teeny, tiny bites.  Every couple of minutes or so our waiter walked by to see if the plate was empty so he could remove it.  It became almost unbearable and I started to wonder if we weren't going to get served until the last olive was gone.  No sooner had I popped it into my mouth in a frenzy, than the waiter came around the corner holding what looked like a banquet serving tray.

Now - I failed to mention that at this time the restaurant had slowly started filling up.  When I saw the tray I assumed that it was for the large table of the owner's friends/family that had arrived.

Me:  'Obviously pays to know someone.'
Matt: 'I think that it is ours.'
Me 'Holy shit, I think you're right - obviously it pays to be cute'

At this point the waiter is trying to wedge this tray full of food onto our petit table for two.  I can't remember everything on it but here goes:

Langustinos

Chilled Meditaranian Vegetables

Deviled Eggs

Fig and Passionfruit Salad

Smoked Herring

Cold Salmon

Canapes

At this point I was wishing I had gone with my first entree choice of salmon instead of upgrading to a hefty sounding portion of chicken stuffed with sausage.  Matt and I sat staring in amazement at the amount of food.

Me: 'This is ridiculous'
Matt: 'Who eats this much'
Me: 'Do you think they heard me complain about the olive plate'
Matt: 'Maybe - you are easily heard'
Me: 'Why would anyone eat this much before dinner'
Matt: 'I'm not eating anything with eyes - you can have the langustinos'
Me:  'I don't have to shared the eyed creatures?!?!?  This is the best Valentines Day ever!'

That concludes part 2 (of our 3-part story).  In my final segment I will regale you with fascinating conversations about cursive writing and cutlery use and conclude my tale with how things went when we asked to take our dessert 'to go'.

I would  also like to leave you tonight with a question:  Have you ever  been to a restaurant where you have been either overwhelmed or underwhelmed by the quantity of food (or confusingly both at the same time like I was on V-Day)?

Village Dining (a 3 part story) Part One

A couple of weekends ago, my husband and I went out to eat in the village.  There is actually a restaurant (which I kept forgetting about) and we decided to give it a try on Valentines Day.  I thought I should call first (since it was kind of a last minute thing) to see if they even had a table (I was warned that they were small).  I took the liberty of calling and this is what I got:

ring, ring, ring

"Yes?"
"Hi, I was wondering if you had any space available for this evening?"
Pause "for a room?"
"Uhm, no.....are you a restaurant?"
Longer pause (like he was thinking about it) "yes."
"Do you have any tables available?"
"Hold the line, I'll check"
Hand over mouthpiece and screams "do we have space?"
Hand off mouthpiece "yes."
"Great, I'd love to book a table"
"Okay - we'll see you tonight - goodbye"
"Wait, do you need to know what time we are coming or is it a set seating"
"What time are you coming?"
"Uhm, 7:30?"
"Hold the line, I'll check"
Hand over mouthpiece "she wants to come at 7:30...."
Uncomfortably long silence  "7:30 is fine - see you then."
"Wait, do you want my name?"
"Go on then."
"Davies."
"Right then, 7:30 tonight."

Although unsure if we had an actual reservation, Matt and I were giddy with anticipation - we rarely go anywhere by ourselves and on this night our neighbor was kindly watching Maddie for us. We both got semi-tarted up and made the 10 minute walk to the place.  We entered this old building (historic old, not falling-down old) and were presented with a very cozy and quaint candle lit restaurant.  There was space for about 6 or 7 tables.  As we made our way in we were greeted by a waiter who led us to our seats and explained that the table was ours for the night so "no rush".  It was apparent at this time that we were the only ones there - with the entire staff watching our entrance with anticipation!  Suddenly it was AWKWARD!  Perhaps we were the first booking of the night (gulp) perhaps the only booking all night? Perhaps they were all cannibal zombies and we were on the menu this evening?

Obviously we were not eaten, because I'm blogging this (or am I)?  The rest of the story will have to wait.   Stay tuned for Part Two.

And THAT, folks, is what we in the business call a "cliffhanger'...

Car Trips - A Love Hate Story

I have just gotten back from a car trip - a long car trip (more on it in a minute) - and it got me thinking about some of the best and worst car trips I have ever had.  Here they are (in no particular order of bestness or badness) within respective categories:

Best Car Trips

1. Driving from Wisconsin to Florida for Spring break my sophomore year of college with my best friend (and her awesome mom) on a whim.  We decided about 2 days in advance to do it - Kim's mom was going down there and suggested we follow her down.  She agreed to pay for our hotel and food because she thought the company would be fun and was just plain cool.  We left at 3 am and made it to Georgia before calling it a night.  So excited we were by the call of the road, that we all decided that come hell or high water, we were going to get to the beach by morning.  We got back up at 3 am again and finished the drive down to Panama City in time for pancakes on the beach.  The trip could have been sponsored by Wilson Phillips and Budweiser because that is all we listened to and drank the entire time (obviously we were not drinking Bud in the car, just to clarify).

2. Driving from Ke'e beach to Polihal'e State beach in Kauai with anybody.  There is basically one main road that follows the coast around the island and it is beautiful!  We normally (by we I mean whoever is with me) stop off at our favorite places along the way and if we see a beach that looks good - we stop!  This drive is best in a convertible, but I have found it almost as enjoyable in a jeep or sedan.

3. The trip from Peterborough to Belfast, which was my first solo journey in the UK.  I had been in the country for about 5 months and had to make my way back to Northern Ireland after dropping Matt off at a course that he was on for a week.  I hit the road with a map, tickets for the midnight ferry and a promise that I would call Matt repeatedly.  I dropped Matt off at 7 am and the first call I made to him was at 7 that night - from our home.  I had made it up to the ferry so early that I caught the one leaving at 4.  I was so proud of myself for navigating not just the motorways of Britain, but the country roads of  Scotland all by my lonesome.  After spending half a year completely dependent on someone for getting me by, it was a nice change to be in control again.

The jury is still out on:

The drive I made with my brother when I moved from Wisconsin to San Diego. It was cramped (bad), we bickered alot (normal), he ended up ditching me in Vegas (bad) and we didn't speak for almost 2 years (the worst). On the other hand, while we were fighting over what music to listen to, my brother and I bonded as adults in a way I don't think you can if you are not trapped in a car with another family member for over 30 hours. (good). I got to see many parts of America that I had only dreamed about (good). I had this sense of independence and freedom that I had never felt before and just KNEW that my life was about to change (the best).

Worst Car Trips:

1. The trip from Florida to Wisconsin with my parents and brother coming back from a Disney Vacation gone awry.  The trip back was awful - it was the coldest winter on record and freak ice and snow storms crippled most of the South.  My father scratched his cornea about 6 hours into the trip and my mother had to do the driving herself - 5 miles per hour through Georgia, Kentucky and Tennessee.  At one point I believe our car broke down and we had to get it fixed which took ages.  Oh - and did I mention that I had been throwing up for 4 days and showed no signs of stopping on the journey home?  NICE!  My mother still cannot watch the movie 'Vacation' without gagging a little bit and muttering "never again".

2. The car trip from San Diego to Kansas with an old boyfriend who had a mustang convertible.  Why do you ask would this be a bad trip?  Ummmmm - it was 115 degrees and he had no air conditioning!  To cool off we would roll up all of the windows in the car until we were sweating and about to pass out from heat exhaustion, then we would roll down the windows just to feel the hot air blow the sweat away. I lost about 10 pounds of water weight which I guess was kind of good (I like to look for a silver lining.) Outweighing my water deprived weight loss, however, we were going there to pick up his daughter who had been staying with his parents for a few weeks.  On the ride home she asked if she could call me mom.  I was 25, had heat poisoning, hadn't peed for a week and decided that I was not ready for such a romance.  We broke up not long after we got back.

3. The trip across Lincoln to get from my gym to the Staples store (and Starbucks if I'm being honest).  It is 3 miles and takes about 45 minutes.  They say there is a fine line between love and hate, but on this one friends I can tell you that I don't ever cross the line - it is a hate, hate, hate thing!

4. The drive I made yesterday with my neighbor, her two kids and Maddie, from Bardney to North Yorkshire.  In. A. Blizzard.  In fairness to the kiddies - they were pretty awesome, considering that we created a 10 hour journey out of what should have been about 5 1/2.  I don't know which was the worst:

• Getting stuck off the main road and spending an hour fish-tailing through the fog on a road the size of a hair, hoping we weren't going to die
• Trying to reverse my car up a steep gradient to avoid getting stuck at the bottom with the other 2 stuck cars and blowing out my transmission.   
• It could have been the part where poor Lucy threw up pink milk in the back seat while the other 2 kids were groaning "eeewwwww what's that smell?"
• But then it also could have been the part where we finally had a game plan to get out of where we were stuck, which involved several terrifying freefall-type slides down 25% gradient hills only to realize we had to get back up the other side and repeat the process 3 times.
• It also might have been the jerk on the road who decided that - even though the road conditions were hazardous - he would talk on his cell phone and tail me for about 30 minutes. 

(this is not actually my car, but the picture pretty much represents what we were dealing with minus the steep hill)

Yesterdays journey reminded of a couple of things:

1. I love to drive
2. I am pretty awesome in a lot of situations and pretty crappy in others
3. It is not just the journey but who you are with
4. Don't EVER reverse your car in packed snow up a steep hill
5. Long trips (good or bad) have the potential to be messy - bring lots of baby wipes and a towel!

Trimming the Fat (a closet makeover)

I am pretty sure that 90 percent of the population has seen the TV show Friends.  That is probably an overstatement, but I am going with it anyways - roll with me folks!  There is an episode that is particularly endearing because, well, it is all about me.  I am talking about the one with Monica's secret closet.

If you have never seen Friends then here is a quick synopsis.  Monica is a clean freak.  Her friends have put up with it for years.  One day her husband notices a closet in their apartment that he had never seen.  It is locked.  When he finally picks it open he is bowled over with decades worth of stuff that has been shoved in there - untidily.  This closet is her answer to a junk drawer and this is where my story begins.

I too am a bit on the tidy side, although not quite as mental as my Friends friend Monica.  I too have that closet.  Here is where my story gets sad.  My closet is not some random, spare nook tucked away at the back of the house.  The closet in question is MY closet - and I can barely open it without being knocked on the head from something falling off the top shelf.  Here is a quick list of some of the stuff in there:

1. Clothes (summer, winter, dressy, too small, too big, too old and OMG why?)
2. Games
3. Wrapping Paper (about 20 rolls)
4. Ceremonial Swords
5. Roller Blades
6. Box full of stuff that I have visions of putting in a scrap book
7. An empty scrap book
8. 5 large carrier bags filled with different holiday decorations
9. Suitcases
10. Some of Maddie's old baby toys
11. A box full of Matt's old toys (nothing sick, but please don't ask)
12. An electric guitar amp
13. Old School Papers
14. Hangers that breed at a rate that would make rabbits ashamed

This is not a complete list - I think you get the mental picture.  If not, here is a real one (don't look if you suffer from low or high blood pressure or are on any medications for anxiety, OCD or acne).  Please appreciate that this photo does not convey the depth or bottom half of my closet.

Now on one hand I work in a gym, so my daily garb doesn't include anything that needs to be dry cleaned or even hung for that matter.  Because of this, I have tended to use my closet as a dumping ground for anything I don't want showing when company comes over to stay.  The guest bedroom is actually like crap limbo in our house and my closet, its final resting place.

I decided that today would be a great day to do 'something' about this eyesore.  For starters I have run out of drawer space to put anything that isn't yoga pants, for another I really need to lose some post holiday weight and thought that an afternoon reconnecting with beautiful garments that don't fit me might be just the impetus needed.

I decided that the best way to start was to take everything out of the closet and dump it back into crap limbo.  This was the result.

Then I started separating clothes into categories:

1. Things that were in season now, things that would be in season soon and things that can never be worn in England.
2. Things that needed to be mended and things that would be heinous even if they were fixed
3. Things that I will probably never fit into again thanks to having a kid and things that I could probably get into if I just followed my own advice and worked out more.
4. Things that are precious to me and things I don't remember buying
5. Hangers

Once the categories were decided I only put back the clothes that were in season and fit me.  After hanging up those 2 pieces I decided I had room for a bit more so I added some spring pieces and some formal wear as well.  The result:

I still need to sort out what to do with the rest of the space up top.  Oh yeah - and figure out what to do with all of the limbo crap - because it can not stay in our guest room.  I think this will be a work in progress.  Tomorrow the party supplies will find a new home - that is my goal and I'm sticking to it!

Do you have a secret Monica drawer, closet, room?  Send me a picture so I can feel better about myself!